An open apology


So, as it turns out, I owe a giant apology to the universe, my family, my husband, my friends and probably most importantly myself. 

In chatting with my rather insightful partner, we came to an incredible realization. We aren’t struggling as a couple and a family because we don’t have the skills to communicate or be a happily married couple. We are struggling as a couple because we have lost the ‘us.’  What I mean by this is in the process of ‘just being’ and ‘just getting by’ we had forgotten to take care of the number one and number two in this process: each of us as individuals. I used to be this person who sought out self improvement through reading, physical improvement through running and physical challenges, and someone who pursued my passions in things like photography and anything that my little heart had a desire for. In the course of mom, wife, bonus mom, I had willingly handed over my ‘Kara’ and it happened ever so slowly but really resulted in near catastrophe. 

I think this is the ultimate challenge as females, truly. To incorporate whatever roles you own as secondary roles, because really they are just that: secondary. If you aren’t ‘you,’ nothing else can be a role, at least one fulfilled to its fullest. 

So, to everyone ready, my promise is this: I am on a mission to reclaim ‘Kara’ as role number one. That means someone who is positive in my intentions and thoughts and goals, who is a little bit of a hippie, someone who’s passion is self love but still physical improvement and fitness of body, spirit and mind. I am someone who is unapologetic in being, and someone who will work to strengthen my relationships and roles I fulfill through first strengthening me. I am someone who is strong, but every once in a great while needs moments to completely fall apart, maybe have a couple moments of pity and self doubt, but who rises stronger and refreshed (ie, my Friday night). 

The strength of my amazing, challenging family, and my amazing, challenging marriage can only be as strong as the sum of the strength of all its parts. 

With love on this rainy Sunday, thank you for reading!

Kara

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