Real Life

My life the last few weeks (probably 3-4 would be a solid estimate) has been an interesting adventure. It is no surprise that Eli and I have a blended family, and we also have an extra special element of fun being a blended family with a member of the family having special needs. Anyone who has a family member with unique or increased needs can certainly understand what that adds to the mix, and when you add in a blended family dynamic on it, it really just spells 'fun times.' It means trying to instill understanding of challenges and uniqueness in someone who wasn't raised from birth with their new sibling. It means some rough times. It means awesome times. It means short fuses sometimes, and it means frustration for everyone sometimes. It also means lots of giggles and silliness. It means abounding love and joy. My day/weekend/life is literally a mixed bag. It could be all the above mentioned things in a 30 minute time period. The last two weeks have just been extra challenging for many different reasons: Mom and Dad figures are working more hours, are more stressed because of life's general challenges and situations, and behaviors within the family members have been extra interesting. But the awesome thing about my family is that we do not give up. Eli and I came from a background of working for what you want, and we want our kids to do the same. Believe me, there are some days we BOTH (and maybe all the members of the family) want to give up. But easy isn't the right answer.

Because of a lot of those stresses and general frustration with the behavior of the population at large in our country, I took an almost week off of Facebook.  It was not for anyone but me. I needed the quiet and lack of over stimulation. I tend to put a lot of emotion and passion into everything I see/write/comment on, and I just quite frankly could not deal with it. So, I set it aside and paid more emotion and time into my family, as we were struggling a bit. In that almost week, I was reminded of a promise that I made to my significant other: to never lose sight of myself and what made me an individual in our relationship.  He reminded I had not blogged, and I knew and he gently reminded me as well of the commitment to health and wellness that I made to myself many years ago, and that I had let all of that slide, causing me to lose sight of a bit of what makes me more than mom/nurse/girlfriend/daughter/sister/everything else.  I had let the outside stressors and situations in life push me to the side, and the issues themselves took center stage and simply overwhelmed me. No wonder our family was struggling. I remind others so much to take care of themselves, yet I had failed to do so.

So, today I stand and say: my life is messy. It is crazy. It is real, it is honest and it is beautiful. I do not have all the answers as to how to make my family flow smoothly. I do not even know at this point if that's a real thing.  I sit here and say that as for me, I commit to being the most me-est (if that's a word) that I can be. That includes being healthy, strong, and nourishing myself so that I may also nourish those that I care about and care for. I committed January of 2015 to living more love, and living the hell out of life to include being healthy and true to myself.  And I will commit my days going forward to doing the same.

I am so thankful to have the love, support, beauty and gentle partner that I do. I could not be me fully without you. Thank you for all that you do, and for calling me out on my shit. I love you to the moon and back, and I'm proud to live life beside you.

with love on this post Thanksgiving Day,
Kara